The unquiet

There is a quietness in our household bordering to the unquiet. It is neither restless nor peaceful. It just is. Like there are no more words that can be said, and yet so many it’s hard to know where to begin. I am not a master in argumentation. I wish that was the case, as I believe my life would have been so much simpler and perhaps turned out rather different. There have been moments were I truly went for it,  took on the battle full force. In fact I do feel as I battle constantly but do I achieve the results I desire? I think not. It’s time to rethink that part. But I am afraid by pondering such a dilemma is going to lead me nowhere. The other option is to throw around life all together. Throw out the current routines, challenge the comfort zones and do the opposite to what convention says. By throwing everything on it’s head I may discover the breakthrough. Easier said than done but worth a try.

It’s all not bad news. I do feel that some things are happening, but it’s subtle. On a personal level but not much more. I want it to be more though, capturing a work, life personal transformation,  but it’s not alas.
In the meantime I get an sms from Reinout. He has been in town and bought some movies. He tells me I can watch them with him if I like. I reply “OK” and then continue writing sentence after sentence on my anxiety and frustrations for the future. But before I am about to hit the send button I delete it all, and all that remains is “OK”…

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