The Dutch domination in bed
As a self-proclaimed, autodidact mistress and lover to many men… Oh, yes there was something juicy that made you choke on the morning coffee! Excellent! Keep reading…
…last night, as custom is in our household, I was sitting with my laptop in bed reading my favourite Swedish online magazine. One article, that caught my attention, exclaimed “Fast Swedes – Rubbish in bed”. It was from a British survey taken by One Poll, to find out what sexual experiences female travellers and expats had of other nationalities. The conclusions were not as far fetched as I would expect and in fact one or two claims I could corroborate myself.
So who are the worst lovers of the world? Well not perhaps unsurprisingly the Germans took the first spot by being too smelly. Perhaps not a Porsche after all in bed. The second place went to the English who were too lazy, whilst the Swedes managed to hang on to a third place for being too quick. Although years ago I was intimate with a fellow Swede, it was not too difficult to see the rationale…
Now, and this is the funny part….the fourth place went to….the Dutch. For being too dominating! Now the Swedes being known for their gender equality which I have my feelings would reach as far as to the boudoir, the the Dutch would be the opposite. Perhaps this does explain my predisposition to the Dutch male population. So does it really warrant their fourth position as the world’s worst lovers? Unless meek and feeble is what you are looking for…
The list in it’s completeness goes as follow…
WORLD’S WORST LOVERS:
1. Germany (too smelly)
2. England (too lazy)
3. Sweden (too quick)
4. Holland (too dominating)
5. America (too rough)
6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)
7. Wales (too selfish)
8. Scotland (too loud)
9. Turkey (too sweaty)
10. Russia (too hairy)
On the other side of the spectrum, and women please take note, the world’s best lovers goes to…
WORLD’S BEST LOVERS
1. Spain
2. Brazil
3. Italy
4. France
5. Ireland
6. South Africa
7. Australia
8. New Zealand
9. Denmark
10. Canada
Unfortunately the rationale for the latter conclusions are left to interpretation. One can only speculate that the Spanish would be fiery, the Brazilians would have the perfect size of a penis, the Italians make love for hours and the French would ride on their oral tradition… Perhaps the least expected are the Danes. How the hell did they manage to hang on to a 9th position? Any Dane reading my blog…this is a call for you! And as always, I am curious as to the experiences of others….
As a minor anecdote to this morning post, I can only say that the Icelandic men (in fact my sample size is fairly limited but so is the total country population too) is not too bad either. Perhaps they did manage to preserve some of that Viking blood that has been diluted over hundreds of years and now results in a 3.4 minute sexual intercourse by a meek Swede.
what a shame the poll left out the Americans especially black Americans. Living in South Germany where many US casernes are located I have heard that soldiers are very sought after…but has that to do with the uniform? Very informative, tkx! N
reply to this commentRather amusing I must say, even though I am not much for stereotyping such particular talent….or am I…?
Overleaf they do not mention the Swatch-making, cheese and chocolate -producing nationality and I must admit that the worst that I have ever come across in the bedstraw was, indeed, Swiss.
Perhaps you can, with a slice of imagination, before your eyes see a redfaced, gasping, sweaty, hyperactive duracell rabbit that completely and utterly is lacking a sense of tact.
My dissappointment was profound and I let him know about it in a rather ruthless way…., i.e. after my rather obvious facial expression and after the swiss duracell rabbit had expressed his appologies(he was apparently aware that the awful experience was not adding up to my expectations) I replied in a stereotypically crispy and cold Swedish manner: “It’s allright….(long silent pause) ……all is not about sex (another long silent pause)”. I might, at that moment actually have looked like Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep) in the movie The Devil wears Prada. I normally do have a heart, but I guess it was on holiday that day.
Shortly after this one time encounter I heard a little stereotypical story that amuzed me somewhat for the given reason. I would like to add it to the topic of the blog.
“Heaven is where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.”
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reply to this commentGod, this is brilliant! Can I quote this in a seperate blog post. Pleeeeaaase!!! It’s too good to remain hidden. Sx
Of course you can!
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