Reflections on a year that has passed….

It wasn’t until today, the third of January I had time for reflection over the past year and set course for the year ahead. I love New Year, as it truly gives you a clean slate. The past is metaphorically buried in Old Year History, and after a while even that will turn into nostalgia. But today I shall force myself to look the past in the eye a final time, before I look into the future. 2009 was in many ways a strange year. It was lined with crisis and bleak messages. At a certain point there was no use in opening the morning newspaper, as it didn’t take a psychic to know what the next headline would be. But at the same time life went on, and one cold winter morning on February 17, Sebastian was born. To say his arrival changed our lives would be a gross under exaggeration. From day one we were parents to a little baby boy who completely depended on us. Whose life would and will be formed by our judgements and decisions, our set of rules, believes and moral codes….or the lack of them.

Even having gone through this process once before with Victoria, this time I had come to understand the responsibility that was left upon my shoulders.

Set aside, but perhaps also linked to this notion, was my determination to change. The years before I had seen a deterioration in my drive, ambitions, but also in understanding what it was really all about. And that was NOT me. I am convinced Reinout was the true catalyst to this. An evening having dinner at Restaurant Friis, he painted a vision of heaven -  and one of hell -  in career terms. I knew I had to change. My feeling of absolute inferiority to the person I loved so truly, would only lead me to live a bleak existence in the peripheries of his shining light. There and then, at 6 and a half months pregnant, I saw an opportunity to take notice, learn and change. That evening it all seemed so easy. But it would turn out to be anything but.

One of the first things I decided to do was to subject myself to criticism. It’s probably one of the hardest things we humans can do. Few practise it, and a majority of the ones that do are stuck in a self-abusive relationship ever supporting their continuous demise. And knowing this, I took the even more difficult decision of breaking myself down, spiritually, mentally, until only the core was exposed. And all of this in public view whilst writing about my self-loathing. I often got critique for this. From my husband too, his friends, and some of mine. Perhaps this was the only critique I didn’t take to heart, as I knew this cathartic writing process and exposure would only make me stronger.

You see it’s only when we don’t have anything to hide that we can truly be free. Free to other peoples judgements, believes, gossip and influences. It’s like saying, this is who I am, take it or leave it. I wrote about experiences from the past, arguments with my husband, fall out with friends, dark thoughts going through my mind, my insomnia, dependency on sleeping pills, the list can be made long. It’s a miracle I was never fired from my job. It’s even more or a miracle people are still talking to me. ….Or perhaps not, because as time went by people told me what I wrote was things they went through too. In other words, it was human, it was life.

Around summer time, things started to change. I had launched OnlineSalsa.com, and although it came with a lot of flaws and the concept was not nearly where it should, I knew I was on to something. At that point my husband had given up in me (or so I thought), but he had set me on a course of independence and belief in myself that could not be changed.
Somewhere along the path I met my two new business partners and we really clicked. From there we went on to work out a new model, a new strategy and ultimately a new site (or in fact a few) that will be launched later this month. I also met other people, that believed in us and what we were doing and together we started to create momentum. It’s an incredibly strong force to be reckoned with.

So what really happened, that set me on this new path? That, although being at the very beginning, has had such a positive influence, and I’m convinced will continue to do so…

Like I said the first thing is about accepting critique. And be wise enough to know when it applies and when it doesn’t. My husband became my role model in business. It’s good to have someone you can depend on sound advice. Someone that looks out for you and only wants your success.

Secondly, and in fact this comes somewhat later, but once you are strong in yourself, be that person, that mentor for someone else. It’s amazing how much you can grow from helping other people, through being strong in your mind, testing your believes, and growing from the success you create around you.

Thirdly, be open and transparent. Don’t come up with excuses that are not true. Tell the truth and be honest. It’s not so much that it is the honest thing to do, but it makes you feel better.

Fourthly, and this is a great strategy, is to share. Share great articles, insight, network, even your own strategies. Again being transparent will open up so much as people will be coming to you, rather than being left outside the walled garden you’ve created. I must say, I don’t believe in signing NDA’s anymore, an NDA for a conversation I am about to have. Just that creates the first notion of me versus you. We are not a team, we are on the opposite sides. Vision is not difficult, anyone can be a visionary so if I share my vision with you, the odds are you could have come up with that yourself. The key lies in the know-how of execution and gaining resources to drive the execution. This is something far more difficult to accomplish. Thus don’t be afraid to share your ideas.

Lastly comes discipline. In the beginning of writing my blog, I kept putting myself down for not having any discipline. The fact I was sleeping on average 5 hours per night, the rest actively working on my goals and objectives was not enough. I knew I could be more disciplined. I could cut out TV all together. I could get up at 5 am instead of 6 to go for my work-out. I still believe that is the case. And because of this, I have decided to put up some very clear, non-compromising objectives for 2010. I shall make sure I do everything in my power to reach them. And yet, I shall not forget that it’s not about me and my success but about the success of others. And that is the very paradigm OnlineSalsa shall be built upon. The success of others. I shall keep you posted….

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