Fracas Noir || Susanne Waldau - te Brake I swear to tell the truth as I know it…

My husband is in an excellent mood! Needless to say it makes me very happy too! I don’t know if it’s because of a clean house, a clean admin or a clean conscious. Perhaps it’s all three. My husband is, what you could call, a periodic administrator. Just like the periodic alcoholic abstaining from alcohol, he can go about for months without shifting through those letters and envelopes piling up in our kitchen table before they get removed to a a dark and dingy corner of our study. A study no one ever uses as it’s covered with papers, files and folders. Currently the study houses our dogs, which is another reason why no one wants to sit in that God forgotten grotto.

My husband is whistling and singing while he shifts through pile after pile. It’s like a heavy spirit is finally lifting as paper piles are reduced to remnants of dust.

I sit here in the dining room which has become my temporary office, going about my own business. It shall have to remain my office until I can afford to buy some paint and lacquer to redo the study. I’m thinking spring. Clean start, a company up and running and new study. How fab isn’t that?

Sebastian is in a splendid mood too!

A rare sight captured on camera

Wow, I can see the floor!

Admin mess

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Weekend didn’t really turn out as anticipated. It rarely does! Sebastian was not really well so we decided against going to MJ birthday’s party. Instead we spent the evening at home. I was so tired and fell asleep at 9 pm, only to wake up 12 hours later. Yesterday I didn’t do much else than working on OnlineSalsa and the upcoming launch.
…and yes, I had my highlights done at Pierot. The result is great, and on Saturday I will get my new extensions. All as a Valentines present from my husband. So sweet!

Now a busy day awaits. Reinout is not feeling well (woke up in a sweat) so I’m working from home, whilst watching the little one. Tonight I have bachata lesson, followed by further preparation for the site launch.

After checking out one of Victoria’s new schools she will be applying for

we went for a quick lunch on Saturday

I had chicken kebab

After highlights at Pierot I met up with my husband for a drink

Love the result!

Later we had sushi at home

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And thus sleep didn’t come until the wee hours of the morning. Tossing and turning, lasting no longer than a few minutes in each position. I probed my husband gently until he opened up his arm and I could sneak in it. I fell asleep. It was beginning to get light when I woke up, 7.15 am. Noise from upstairs. The sound of footsteps and fast moving paws. I waited for a few minutes to see if I could fall asleep again. No luck. My mouth was dry from yesterday’s Champagne. Only two glasses.
For a few minutes I carried on a conversation with myself whether to getup or not. The prospect of getting out in the cold for my daily gym session didn’t seem like a marvellous idea. But breaking my routine didn’t seem either and thus reason took over feeling.

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It’s cold. The canals are frozen and a white coat of frost covers every exposed surface. I’m on the train again, approaching Amsterdam Sloterdijk. Almost at work. Headache is receding after 2 paracetamols. I long for coffee. I long to clean out my inbox, which for my standards, has become cluttered. I long for the weekend. MJ has his birthday party on Saturday. And I have a well needed appointment with my hairdresser.

Thank God It’s Friday!

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I’m in bed, with a glass of Champagne (a habit I have adopted as of late to end my day with), browsing through my husband’s picture on flickr. It brings back so many good memories, especially the ones of us on holiday, fooling around like little kids on a beach. We are like children, all of us. Our house is like a 300m2 playground for kids. There is a chaotic cleanliness or a clean mess, depending on how you want to see it. Every room is in order, yet disarray. There is noise, around every corner, until the last man (usually me) turns off the light at 1 am. Dogs are barking, cats our meowing, kids are either laughing or crying, I am shouting and my husband is, well I can’t think of anything else than farting

That is our household, around the clock, 365 days of the year. Friends are coming over, usually MJ, and he is only marginally better than my husband (a stinky incident in Maastricht comes to mind!). The kitchen is fuming (I’m a notoriously bad cook with a very limited repertoire), the whisky is flowing and cigars are being consumed at an ever increasing pace.

And it’s this chaos, this constant flux, which I am forever trying to get a grip on but utterly failing in doing so, which is the very core of our family. A family that despite the occasional threat of divorce, walking out on my husband, and one time taking into some dodgy hotel in the outskirts of Amsterdam, is as tight knit and close as ever. As I am flickering through those pictures, I am reminded of all that love, and how fortunate I really am. So with the risk of sounding like I love sick fool, I love you with all my heart. You and the kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. So come home tonight, lets share a drink, lets talk, cuddle up. I want to sleep in your arms tonight. And wake up to a splendid Friday! God I feel good! Love you loads! xxx

Victoria, Buddy and I…I was about 6 month pregnant

The little man

During holiday last year

Playing in the sand

On the beach of Juan les Pins

So in love!!!

Fooling around

Victoria and I

In Strasbourg enjoying the weekend

My two beauties

On our way back ending up at this beautiful medieval chateau,

love to go back soon!

A picture of our living room at Christmas

Reinout’s first business card for MMO Life, feels like a lifetime ago

Pregnant with Sebastian….Reinout was convinced it was going to be

a boy even though I refused to find out the gender

Our dogs chillin’ in the afternoon sun in the master bathroom

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February must be the worst month in the whole year, it’s cold, dark, and spring seems like light years away. Talking about feeling depressed. Things are going slow….still no launch of OnlineSalsa.com and although I normally have timelines coming out of my ears, this one date eludes me. We are working towards a launch end of next week, but having said this it could also be March 1. *Sigh*

On a good note I’ve slept relatively well for the past week. No sleeping pills. Whoohoo! I’m working hard on my salsa and today I have a lesson and tomorrow evening another boot camp session with Sederick. On Saturday MJ has his birthday party which is going to be great!

Now work is awaiting, Sebastian is watching Casper and making funny sounds. He makes me so happy, and greatly inspired. Nucita from Club Fiera is coming at 2pm. We have a meeting about her online marketing strategy. So a fun and inspirational day is awaiting. Just wish it was March!

I gotta get some tulips

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I thrive on routine. Or perhaps thriving is not exactly the right word for something considered for many as boring and mundane. But the truth of the matter is all those action lists, agenda items and hour by hour, minute by minute based work and life procedures create a certain structure for me which makes me feel comfortable, in control and on my own turf so to speak. Last week kind of put this on it’s head when I embarked on a 5 day salsa bootcamp. I only lasted for three and a half. By Thursday I couldn’t ignore the flu symptoms and even though I struggled to continue I had to see myself defeated.

Years ago, when I was 19 I met someone who left an imprint on my life. V had as her motto “Mind over matter”. I took it to my heart and whenever a situation seemed too difficult, I would conjure up this line in my head…. Mind over matter, like a mantra I would repeat it until I knew I could take on whatever obstacle I was facing. Last night it came to me again. It was Sunday, the night before a long week ahead. I knew I was facing anxiety attacks and a sleepless night. But I decided I wasn’t going to let my fast beating heart take over my well needed sleep. Equally I wasn’t going to spend my thoughts on worrying about the future. The future will always work out in the end. It took me three hours to fall asleep. But I managed to keep the panic attacks and the worries at bay. Sometime after 3 am I fell into a deep leep. A small victory, but a victory nevertheless. Mind over matter. Everything is possible. Nothing is unobtainable.

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I’m down with the flu. I was fighting it the whole week, feeling symptoms creeping up as early as Tuesday. But I was determined to see through my salsa bootcamp week. It didn’t quite work out that way. Thursday afternoon I could dance an hour, which left me exhausted. Friday I woke up, stiff in my body, foggy in my head. There was going to be no more work for me, physical or mental. I resorted to laying on the couch in my PJ’s watching films. I don’t know the last time I have been doing that. Guilt feelings started to creep up on me, but I did my best to keep them at bay. I spent the whole day and night on the couch. Occasionally doing some minor work, but the rest of time I was glued to the telly or sleeping. When Reinout came home in the evening I’d had neither shower nor brushed my teeth. I was wearing my glasses, which makes me look 10 years older, and in generally looked like on of those fashion victims I was watching on Style by Jury.

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Today, feeling somewhat better, but still a sore throat and body. Fever is gone though. Planning to go into town for some fresh air. Need to do my nails. They look hideous. But first shower! I’m off!

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On the sofa watching Numb3ers and drinking a glass of Sauternes. Great to relax. Today was my third day of salsa boot camp with Sederick. It’s much harder than I expected. 4 hours of almost non-stop dancing is tough! Because I haven’t been feeling so well (feels like the onset of a cold), it’s been extra hard and quite straining. But I believe the results are there. I can’t wait having completed this week training by Friday. My techniques, and some rough edges should be perfected by then.

For people that really want to learn a new dance or increase their level substantially, I would definitely recommend a week’s boot camp. It really pays off. For more information on salsa boot camps, you can contact Sederick Short from SalsaPunt.

On the couch chilling

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This weekend was probably the most relaxing in ages. I really had time to switch off, read, sleep, watch movies and play with Sebastian. It didn’t come a moment too late! Instead it triggered a lot of thinking as I got perspective on things again. It’s so easy to be dragged down in every little detail and at the same time loose focus on the truly important matters. It almost feels like I’ve been on a mini holiday, recharging my batteries.

This week I’m off from Ex Machina and instead will be concentrating on 2 things: The launch of OnlineSalsa.com (which is delayed until the end of the week) and a salsa bootcamp which will see me progressing to a hopefully advanced level on1. I will be drilled by Sederick for 4 hours every day, the whole week! I can’t wait to see myself emerse as an über salsa babe!! OK off for lunch and my Monday laundry duty. Sederick is arriving in half an hour.

Wish you all a great week!

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Some days can turn out unexpectantly good, completely unforseen, out of the blue! And so with 5 cups of coffee I survived the day, better than I’d thought. In fact the day went by in a breeze and at 5.30 pm I was on my way home to prepare a dinner for our management team at Ex Machina. J dropped by just after 7.30. I was still preparing meatballs but my husband attended to our guest’s needs whilst I was cooking and watching nazi documentaries on youtube (I’m delving into WWII history, specifically nazi anthropology and the holocaust, which I shall explain in another blog post).

At 8 pm the party was complete and we sat down for dinner. T, our new colleague and sales manager, had made a mean tiramisu which even a die hard Atkins follower couldn’t resist. The dinner was very pleasant, and as usual we (the host and her husband) openly facilitated information about our marital life including feet fetishism, worms and red light stories. I’m not sure what impression my new colleagued walked away with…..the dinner ended with a snow ball fight and a lock out - with me on the outside banging on the door.
I tried to get T to reveal some interesting information about his own clandestine life to mitigate any obscene disclosures on my own behalf, but luck was not on my side. His lips remained sealed….

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My husband made me promise not to work today. I have largely kept to that promise. We had lunch at Madame Marlie. I can wholeheartedly recommend the goat cheese salad. Then I picked up my dry-cleaning (walked past Gaivota that has a sale on Mulberry bags – gotta get my hands on one!!), and then to Pierot for a haircut (for my husband). Afternoon was spent on the couch watching more WW II documentaries, and later a Thai take-away and a whole bunch of crime series on Net 5. A pretty average, non-exciting day, but nevertheless very good for a frantic soul.

Latest Vanity Fair with the inside story on Tiger Woods is out!!

Treating myself to cake and coffee

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