Old fashioned postcards…

I really wish you could be with me now. Our house is so full of joy and laughter, like straight out of an old fashioned children’s story. It has such a pure and charming feeling to it, it in fact even outranks Christmas. In short it’s a happy house.

I didn’t sleep much last night. And the funny thing is that I couldn’t because I kept thinking of all the wonderful things we have ahead of us. When I was done with the last feeding after 8 o’clock Reinout let me sleep. I slept until 11 am when he came in with Sebastian. Whilst I fed him, Reinout prepared a wonderful breakfast in bed, and then went on to make a bath for our baby boy.

It’s amazing how all these trivial, yet by no means insignificant things are in fact what makes you most happy. A little more than a year ago I had ceased to believe that there was anything like the happy family we all want to believe in. Instead I was preoccupied with all the external things in life. A beautiful home, nice clothes, a great body and a pretty face. But what did it all matter when the inside didn’t tally the outside? An inside that was unhappy and to some extent broken, like a porcelain doll that on the surface looked beautiful, but was beginning to show cracks. I sought other people’s attention constantly, as affirmation to that I was still worthy of their company, admiration and praise.

How wrong I was. I never met the people that I truly received respect and recognition from. Because when you are full of self loath and contempt it only attracts other people in a similar state. Those stories are numerous, I can tell you. I became a master of flirting and engaging with my fellow compatriots. And I mistook their attention for friendship and love. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

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Now Reinout is singing to Sebastian whilst dressing him. It evokes memories of past childhoods and times gone by; old fashioned postcards and cinematic moments imprinted on memory. I close my eyes and loose myself to all those images, blended with impressions of sound and smell. Heaven is a indeed a place on earth.

Breakfast in bed