New Years Eve 13 years ago

And so it’s finally the day to say goodbye to the old and welcome the new.  To me this New Year feels more special than others in the past. Perhaps because I know there are so many changes around the corner. It makes my belly flutter….literally as the baby inside me is making himself (or her) known.

13 years ago I had a similar experience. My situation was entirely different than it is now, but I knew that New Years Eve that the life I had known was about to change….for good. I had spent 5 days in Amsterdam when they called from the hospital in the morning of New Years Eve to tell me my mother had no more than days to live. Perhaps a week at the most. Her condition had taken a rapid turn for the worst. Had I been so oblivious to it all? In my mind she would pull through. We had been making so many plans,  like travelling the world together. She only had to get better and in my naive state of mind I thought that  she could and would.

I managed to get a ticket for the same day home, and later that evening I was at her bedside. It was only 5 days since I had seen her last but she seemed so frail, her breathing weak and laboured. She was still coherent and I talked to her for a while whilst I moistened her dry skin with a Rochas body lotion that she had got for Christmas. This body lotion still remained with me until just before my wedding in April, when I finally let it go.

That evening I stayed with my mother’s friend and celebrated, as much as one could, New Years Eve. That evening it dawned on me that I would lose my mum, and my New Year’s wish reflected this new found insight. I wished my mum would die a peaceful death with those close to her among her.

On January 7, 1996 she died.

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This New Year’s Eve is an entirely different one. Full of love and joy and optimism for the future. This year my wish will reflect what I truly hope will happen next year.  I’m in a privileged position to be able to be able to do so. I hope all of you can do the same and may all your wishes come true.