Missing
It’s been a while since I listened to classical music. And yet it’s the music I keep coming back to. When I was really young, my interest fell upon liturgical music, Gregorian to be specific. I recall being seduced by the stark, clear voices of Enigma. Then opera became the favourite du jour, Puccini shining his guiding light from Madame Butterfly to Turandot. Then came classical…
It started with a CD accidentally left by a friend of mine in my first Amsterdam apartment. I was 19. The CD was from Satie, a name I had only heard in passing, but his music, or 2 pieces to be precise, I knew all the more. Gnossienne and Gymnopedie – the work with the impossible names. They soon became my favourites and I would loop them during the night, as I was lulled to sleep by a familiar sound (Swedish TV used ot always use Gymnopedie as background music when no program was on. I would put on the TV only for that purpose).
This evening, as I was listening to a radio channel another classic was being played – Camille Saint-Saëns – Aquarium. That along with Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker suite are among my absolute favourites. And so I sit here, I listen, I remember, I cry. For 14 years ago, an eternity to some, this was my mother’s last week before her life was lost to cancer. The music seem so fitting. So beautiful, so tranquil, so sweet – just like my mum. I miss her.
Till mamma, Jag älskar dig, jag saknar dig. Susanne
- 3 Comments | life, love, thoughts...
When I saw you crying last night, I wanted to say something. I could also see that you were in the moment. It is good to remember. You both were different and in the end you look so the same. Today I see a sweet mother for our kids. A loving wife. Sometimes you find yourself in a hard place in life. If you are there, then I want to be there too.
I cannot take aways the pain always, but I can give you love. Your mother was loved by you and now you are loved by your family. Turn on the music loud today and smile. I know your mother is.
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När jag såg dig gråta igår kväll, ville jag säga något. Jag kunde också se att du var i ögonblicket. Det är bra att komma ihåg. Ni båda var olika och i slutändan du ser så lika. I dag ser jag en söt mamma för våra barn. En kärleksfull hustru. Ibland kan du befinner dig i en hård plats i tillvaron. Om du är där, då vill jag vara där också.
Jag kan inte ta aways smärtan alltid, men jag kan ge dig kärlek. Din mamma var älskad av dig och nu är du älskad av din familj. Sätt på musik högt idag och leende. Jag vet att din mamma är.
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Your Message@Reinout:
How sweet of you to say! I missed her like crazy last night. But it also made me realize how fortunate I am to have had her as a mum, nad the legacy she’s created will contine to live on.
Thanks for being there for me. In hours of not sleeping, sadness, longing, but also all the happiness and joy. I love you xxx
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