Freedom of mind

I’m getting into a phase which is somewhat difficult to describe. I feel nervous, restless, agitated. Every sound seem to be multiplied, every touch has an impact. Words and sentences, written or in speech takes on new meanings that previously would not be the case. I cry, less than I did a few months ago, but still. Mostly they are tears of joy, feeling very lucky and blessed for a life I didn’t think was possible.

I feel more vulnerable than usual. Perhaps it’s the feeling of being restrained, confined in this ever expanding body. It’s a small price to pay however, I know. But yet on a very selfish level, I yearn for freedom. To take my morning run in the morning, to walk up the stairs with light steps, to walk down the streets in my high-heels with grace and beauty. It will come, and every experience is a learning, that we must endure for a reason.

In a way this time, no longer than the last few weeks, have spurred my creativity and drive, more than ever. I was so preoccupied in the past running on a daily routine that in fact I was running on vapour, with no substance or content. Many people told me to take a break, just stop and breath. I was afraid that a stop would make me loose myself, making it even harder to come back. Although I don’t have the experience of hindsight yet in this matter, my intuition tells me I was wrong.  So being confined to my house and bed for the next three or four weeks is not such a bad thing. In fact it has given my mind freedom at last.

Waking up with lots of thoughts

…but feeling happy and at peace