Dark

I don’t know what’s worse, sleeping taking pills or not sleeping at all with a heart racing through my body. I’ve been there before 3 days with no sleep. I wanted to kill myself. It’s one big nightmare, one huge panic attack!  The only thing I can think about is work. My family, sadly, has the lowest of the lowest priority. It makes my completely stricken with guilt. It’s not suppose to be like this. Fuck I feel bad right now. I’m even contemplating of not posting this, but then again, but against my better judgement I do. Perhaps it will give me a small sense of relief, knowing that other people might know. Knowing that if the errors in my emails and my lack of judgment prevails, so does my resolve. ….nothing more to say really, this is a pretty dark post at a dark hour. I need light. I wish it was morning.