Before the finishing line

They say that the last mile before the finishing line is the hardest. It’s when all your energy are completely spent and you are running on the last bit of vapour that is left. And when even the vapour is gone, then it’s down to pure will power. I find myself in a similar situation. Next Tuesday is the scheduled launch for OnlineSalsa.com. Needless to say, I’m incredibly excited and we are all working hard on pulling it all together.
Yesterday evening…

I am working late, it’s almost midnight, and even though I want to continue my brain doesn’t. My eyes are stinging, and I keep splashing them with contactlens solution to clear the fog that clouds my sight. It barely helps.

After the last feeding I am asleep. It’s already 1 am. But at 5 Sebastian is awake again. I lay him next to me and although I want desperately to fall asleep I can’t for the risk of accidentally smothering him. I struggle to stay awake until Sebastian has finished. After his feeding, it takes him a good hour to fall asleep and the crying and the attempts to sooth him keep us all awake.

Finally he falls asleep but wakes up an hour later, I feed him once more and after this decide to go to the gym. I drag myself out of bed. The fatigue is beyond what I thought I could cope with. My low calorie, low carbohydrate diet is now making itself known. I feel faint. I don’t really want to go and work out but I know I have to….if I want to reach my goal. I’m almost there…4.5 kg’s left. I’m pretty tired of dieting by now, so I put all my focus on my target.

At quarter to eight I’m at the gym. It’s quite peaceful and the music volume is not too high. I jump on the cross trainer, but soon notice that my level is too high. I don’t have the strength anymore to keep on going on 8, so I decrease it to 6. It feels better and I start pushing harder with arms and legs in tune with the beat. I run through some other objectives in my head. Such as my action list for the week that is crucial for next week’s launch. My first goal is to get the site live. I just need to reach that, then catch my breath before I’m on to the next thing. Like a swimmer using the edge of the swimming pool for a moment of respite to only seconds later capture the momentum for a burst of energy when he begins his next lap.

Launching a site is one thing, gaining traffic and revenues quite another. I admit I’m a novice to this, and still have a lot to learn. But as they say the best way of learning is to jump in the sea and learn how to swim. Survival of the fittest. I have to put myself in that category. No more self doubts.

On the way back I take deep breaths. Inhaling the crisp air, which is being warmed up by the sun. I imagine I exhale all the bad vibes, toxins, impurities that reside within me. As I inhale and exhale my walk gets lighter. Almost like I’m walking on air. I draw closer to a man that is trying to break a chain-lock on a bike. He comes across as a rather decent looking fellow and not the typical bicycle thief. As I pass him, his girlfriend comes out of the doorway. She is wearing a white bathrobe and her hair is wrapped in an improvised turban. She looks beautiful. No make-up, fresh from the shower. She smiles at her boyfriend. I imagine them together. Somehow they strike me as the perfect couple. I wonder if that’s what other people see when they see me and Reinout. It’s one of those thoughts that truly haven’t crossed my mind before, but now does thanks to a little intermezzo of a locked bike, a guy and his girlfriend. The whole episode makes me smile as I approach the bridge. I stop for a moment. The water of the canal is glittering and all is still with the exception of some birds flying just above the water. It looks so beautiful. I stay for a few minutes before I realise I might be late for home. I quickly resume my stride…