Battling with willpower

Posted by: fracas on August 25 @ 10:52 pm

I’m closing off downstairs, letting the dogs out in the garden, emptying the more full than empty wine glasses of its content. It feels like a waste but on the other hand its too late to start binge drinking. Besides my list of objectives contains a healthy living and loosing some weight, whatever leftovers from the pregnancy that is there (about 3 to 5 kgs depending on what I consider my target weight to be). In that moment, as I’m just about to turn off the kitchen light I notice three marzipan wrapped small cakes. They sit on the kitchen counter, as if left deliberatly to start off a war with my mind. I turn around quickly, pretending not to have seen them. But I have, so I turn around once more, facing the cakes. I don’t want to touch them. The more my senses devour on the objects before me, the sooner they will cease to exist…literally.

I gather all the willpower I have to turn around once more and walk out that door, but I can’t. In fact I feel obliged to put the cakes away, so that they wont become stale. As I touch them, with the aim to bring them to a cupboard safe-haven, I just have to smell them. So I stand there, with a package of cakes in my hand, sniffing away. Its the worst you can do. This is the moment I feel an incredible hunger. My stomach literally growls and screams for food. And so I capture the now-or-never moment, opening the cupboard door with one hand and throw in the cakes. I slam the door shut and run up the stairs. I feel so relieved, having managed to control my urges. It kind of signifies a turning point…there is hope after all.

Goodnight!