I’m exploding!
My hormones are playing games with me. Although I slept, with interruptions, for 7 hours, I till feel exhausted. By 1 o ‘clock Victoria came home. She suggested us going to the Bagel Bar. I had earlier agreed to making Wednesday afternoons our day. A day for lunching and shopping in town. But with a week year old baby logistics are not optimal. By 3 o’clock, after showering, 2 feedings, nappy changes and laundry I was still not ready. My black track suit which I was going to wear (it will take a few weeks before I’m fashionable again), was still wet. So the only other option was a pair of jeans. But I could not find them. I was running up and down searching every hole and cavity but without luck. After 5 minutes I started to curse, and I shouted to Victoria that lunch in town was not an option. An argument erupted and I snapped. I wished I hadn’t so I apologised, but the bad vibe continued to linger.
In the meantime I did manage to find my jeans. Perhaps we could go into town after all. I put them on. They were newly washed but fit (they are 3 sizes bigger though than my normal jeans). I continued my search but now for a top. I tried about 5 of them, but the result was the same. The lower part fit but the upper part did not. My breasts are literally exploding! I have gone from a C cup to an F cup, and look like a rogue version of a f*ck doll. There is only one way to change this trend, a quick and speedy diet. This morning I was 62.3 kg (I’m 1.65 m) and I have another 10 kilos to drop. A kilo a day seems excessive, and I’m not sure if it’s even possible, but I’m so fed up with not being able to wear anything. It’s another source to my mood swings.
Reinout came up later and spoke some sense into us both. Victoria and I now have an agreement. She has promised to give me some space, be honest in her feelings, and to treat me (and Reinout) with respect. I on the other hand have promised to control any outbursts I have, and to block out Wednesdays as our day together.
I feel better having talked to her. One step closer to a healthy mother-daughter relationship.
Hey, I almost feel bad writting comments, knowing how busy you are these days, but I thought it was necessary to tell you to be a little less hard on yourself with the weight. come on, you’ve just had a baby and getting there and getting the weight that comes along took a long while, so loosing it in a week would be unnatural. i’m sure you’re doing great and plenty of your weight is probably just water retension, not fat. give yourself smart and realisitc time and it will all come by itself:) and remember that the digits on the scale aren’t always representative of the same state; sometimes you way 60 and you don’t fit a dress, next time you way 60 you do fit it. There’s so many dimensions to body weight and body shape that a single indicator such as kgs are just not enough to judge the situation. Perhaps a good idea for the transition period would be to get yourself a new funcky track suit, something you really like to wera and don’t assotiate just with hiding yoru body, maybe a nice fabric or colour:) Old slim clothes mught make you feel good to be back in your old body, but new clothes ALWAYS make a girl happy:) hang in there!
reply to this commentYour Message@Eliku:
reply to this commentEliku, you are so right, and I wish I could take it easy and just enjoy things as they come. But I’ve always been very targeted and want to go for things 200%. Right now I don’t feel comfortable at all in my body, and I think with the hormones rushing through my body, I feel worse about it than in fact I have to. Funny I took those picures of myself tonight, and I thought it’s actually not that bad. So I’m still on a diet, and will still work out, but it will have to take the time it takes. Eventually I’ll reach my goal. Until then I will treat myself to a few extra track suits and some nice gym clothes
I’m glad you didn’t mind my advise and SO glad you feel better:) pictures to objectivly judge the progress is a good thing. most of Im sure, the more you start taking Sebastian for walks with the coming spring the easier things will go:)
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