Fracas Noir – Susanne Waldau – te Brake ~ for better or worse

Spring 2005 “When we are dead, seek not our tomb in the earth, but find it in the hearts of men.” ~Rumi, Persian and Sufi Poet, 1207-1273 We moved into the Maison de Maître that my father had left us on Rue de la Faisanderie in the 16th arrondissement. Carl was now working for an [...]

Thursday, January 28, 2010 I can’t say that not a day goes by without thinking of the past days’ events. I’ve done something terrible, that I know, and yet I feel no regret. Instead I fantasize about men. Many men. Men standing in a queue impatiently waiting for their turn. I want to return to [...]

Autumn & Winter 2004 – 2005 Carl moved in with me. In fact, it wasn’t a decision we jointly made or even discussed. It just happened, gradually over the course of weeks and months. It started with a toothbrush and deodorant, then little by little my wardrobe was filling up with men’s shirts and Calvin [...]

Summer 2004 I was about to graduate from university. A near twenty-year-long stint of being buried in books was about to end. It was with both sadness and anticipation I received my grades in a ceremony conducted in the school auditorium. My years of coming of age had finally come to an end, and I [...]

Saturday, January 23, 2010 “Si vous avez vu quelque fois mourir un homme, considérez toujours que le même sort vous attend.: If you have seen several times the death of a man, consider always that the same fate awaits you.” ~Unknown, from century-old graffiti in the Paris catacombs I look to my right and see [...]

Saturday, January 23, 2010 We walk along dark, empty streets. It’s like the sudden cold has taken Paris hostage and its citizens with it. Cyril takes my hand, squeezing it. He pulls out a new cigarette and lights it with the other. A flame dances on its end, fanned by the wind, before moments later [...]

Saturday, January 23, 2010 I’m at a cocktail party. The host is a friend of a friend, someone I only know in passing who lives not far from the office. It’s an eclectic crowd. Most are in marketing and advertising, I gather. The more established firms such as Ogilvy & Mather and JWT. There are [...]

Saturday, January 23, 2010 Cyril sat at the window of his apartment on Boulevard Saint Germain. It had begun to snow again, dampening the noise outside to a dull and muted resonance. Cyril chuckled to himself as he went through the past days’ events. He’d been watching Justine for some time. He’d first seen her [...]

Autumn 2003 – Spring 2004 There hadn’t been much left to be said, between Carl and I. Our whirlwind affair was already relegated to the status of emotional baggage. So I picked up the pieces as best as I could. I called friends and let their soothing words boost my damaged ego. I let them [...]

Friday, January 22, 2010 I’m standing outside a dark door. There is a security camera attached to the wall on my right, presumably tracking my every move. Nobody opens so I unfasten my coat, just a little, exposing a hint of flesh. It appears to work as the door drifts slightly ajar. “Oui?” “Is this [...]