Mind over matter
I thrive on routine. Or perhaps thriving is not exactly the right word for something considered for many as boring and mundane. But the truth of the matter is all those action lists, agenda items and hour by hour, minute by minute based work and life procedures create a certain structure for me which makes me feel comfortable, in control and on my own turf so to speak. Last week kind of put this on it’s head when I embarked on a 5 day salsa bootcamp. I only lasted for three and a half. By Thursday I couldn’t ignore the flu symptoms and even though I struggled to continue I had to see myself defeated.
Years ago, when I was 19 I met someone who left an imprint on my life. V had as her motto “Mind over matter”. I took it to my heart and whenever a situation seemed too difficult, I would conjure up this line in my head…. Mind over matter, like a mantra I would repeat it until I knew I could take on whatever obstacle I was facing. Last night it came to me again. It was Sunday, the night before a long week ahead. I knew I was facing anxiety attacks and a sleepless night. But I decided I wasn’t going to let my fast beating heart take over my well needed sleep. Equally I wasn’t going to spend my thoughts on worrying about the future. The future will always work out in the end. It took me three hours to fall asleep. But I managed to keep the panic attacks and the worries at bay. Sometime after 3 am I fell into a deep leep. A small victory, but a victory nevertheless. Mind over matter. Everything is possible. Nothing is unobtainable.
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Loading ...Looking hideous! It’s the flu!
I’m down with the flu. I was fighting it the whole week, feeling symptoms creeping up as early as Tuesday. But I was determined to see through my salsa bootcamp week. It didn’t quite work out that way. Thursday afternoon I could dance an hour, which left me exhausted. Friday I woke up, stiff in my body, foggy in my head. There was going to be no more work for me, physical or mental. I resorted to laying on the couch in my PJ’s watching films. I don’t know the last time I have been doing that. Guilt feelings started to creep up on me, but I did my best to keep them at bay. I spent the whole day and night on the couch. Occasionally doing some minor work, but the rest of time I was glued to the telly or sleeping. When Reinout came home in the evening I’d had neither shower nor brushed my teeth. I was wearing my glasses, which makes me look 10 years older, and in generally looked like on of those fashion victims I was watching on Style by Jury.
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Today, feeling somewhat better, but still a sore throat and body. Fever is gone though. Planning to go into town for some fresh air. Need to do my nails. They look hideous. But first shower! I’m off!
(1 votes, average: 1 out of 5) Loading ...Relaxing after salsa boot camp
On the sofa watching Numb3ers and drinking a glass of Sauternes. Great to relax. Today was my third day of salsa boot camp with Sederick. It’s much harder than I expected. 4 hours of almost non-stop dancing is tough! Because I haven’t been feeling so well (feels like the onset of a cold), it’s been extra hard and quite straining. But I believe the results are there. I can’t wait having completed this week training by Friday. My techniques, and some rough edges should be perfected by then.
For people that really want to learn a new dance or increase their level substantially, I would definitely recommend a week’s boot camp. It really pays off. For more information on salsa boot camps, you can contact Sederick Short from SalsaPunt.
On the couch chilling
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Exciting week ahead!
This weekend was probably the most relaxing in ages. I really had time to switch off, read, sleep, watch movies and play with Sebastian. It didn’t come a moment too late! Instead it triggered a lot of thinking as I got perspective on things again. It’s so easy to be dragged down in every little detail and at the same time loose focus on the truly important matters. It almost feels like I’ve been on a mini holiday, recharging my batteries.
This week I’m off from Ex Machina and instead will be concentrating on 2 things: The launch of OnlineSalsa.com (which is delayed until the end of the week) and a salsa bootcamp which will see me progressing to a hopefully advanced level on1. I will be drilled by Sederick for 4 hours every day, the whole week! I can’t wait to see myself emerse as an über salsa babe!! OK off for lunch and my Monday laundry duty. Sederick is arriving in half an hour.
Wish you all a great week!
(1 votes, average: 1 out of 5) Loading ...Dinner with my boss(es) (& more…)
Some days can turn out unexpectantly good, completely unforseen, out of the blue! And so with 5 cups of coffee I survived the day, better than I’d thought. In fact the day went by in a breeze and at 5.30 pm I was on my way home to prepare a dinner for our management team at Ex Machina. J dropped by just after 7.30. I was still preparing meatballs but my husband attended to our guest’s needs whilst I was cooking and watching nazi documentaries on youtube (I’m delving into WWII history, specifically nazi anthropology and the holocaust, which I shall explain in another blog post).
At 8 pm the party was complete and we sat down for dinner. T, our new colleague and sales manager, had made a mean tiramisu which even a die hard Atkins follower couldn’t resist. The dinner was very pleasant, and as usual we (the host and her husband) openly facilitated information about our marital life including feet fetishism, worms and red light stories. I’m not sure what impression my new colleagued walked away with…..the dinner ended with a snow ball fight and a lock out - with me on the outside banging on the door.
I tried to get T to reveal some interesting information about his own clandestine life to mitigate any obscene disclosures on my own behalf, but luck was not on my side. His lips remained sealed….
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My husband made me promise not to work today. I have largely kept to that promise. We had lunch at Madame Marlie. I can wholeheartedly recommend the goat cheese salad. Then I picked up my dry-cleaning (walked past Gaivota that has a sale on Mulberry bags – gotta get my hands on one!!), and then to Pierot for a haircut (for my husband). Afternoon was spent on the couch watching more WW II documentaries, and later a Thai take-away and a whole bunch of crime series on Net 5. A pretty average, non-exciting day, but nevertheless very good for a frantic soul.
Latest Vanity Fair with the inside story on Tiger Woods is out!!
Treating myself to cake and coffee
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Wake up call
Morning did break the spell. I can’t say I feel particularly “fresh” but it’s Friday, end of a long week, and hopefully some catching up on sleep. I feel bad for Reinout, although he sleeps, he wakes up from my frustrations, turning on and off the light and occasionally crying. It’s like living with a mad woman. I’m not too far from it. All attempts of structure my work – life appears futile, to the point of being utter pointless. In the darkest of hour, I amuse myself with the notion of carrying out a social experiment to see how many days one can go without sleep.
Reinout gives me a lecture this morning on how I can fit it all in within 5 days, 40 hours. I actually feel it’s an insult. A clear misunderstand of what I actually do and have to do during the day. Apart from work this including various domestic chores and looking after Sebastian too.
My situation does ring true to a couple of articles I’ve read as of late. That of women being the masters of feeling guilt. Whereas men seem exempt to this supposedly human feeling, we women feel guilty for anything possible. From missing a birthday, to having to dash off 5 minutes earlier to collect the kids. Another article echoes a similar idea. The good girl syndrome. What starts with the pursuit of top grades and being beautiful (often resulting in bulimia and anorexia) ends at 35 in a burnout. That woman could be me. In fact it is me. And I’m heading there with alarming pace. WAKE UP CALL!!!!
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Dark
I don’t know what’s worse, sleeping taking pills or not sleeping at all with a heart racing through my body. I’ve been there before 3 days with no sleep. I wanted to kill myself. It’s one big nightmare, one huge panic attack! The only thing I can think about is work. My family, sadly, has the lowest of the lowest priority. It makes my completely stricken with guilt. It’s not suppose to be like this. Fuck I feel bad right now. I’m even contemplating of not posting this, but then again, but against my better judgement I do. Perhaps it will give me a small sense of relief, knowing that other people might know. Knowing that if the errors in my emails and my lack of judgment prevails, so does my resolve. ….nothing more to say really, this is a pretty dark post at a dark hour. I need light. I wish it was morning.
(2 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ...Adieu to sleeping pills
The last days, weeks in fact, I have been living on tranquillisers to put me to sleep. That familiar feeling of a racing heart coupled with a racing mind had come back to haunt me. This time around I knew the exact reason for my trepidation, but lack of time and perhaps will power too made me go for the all too easy solution: sleeping pills.
The first and second night were fine, but then even one pill couldn’t get me to sleep. I hadn’t expected to build up resistance so quickly, and I increased the dose to two pills per night. It left me in a lethargic state, and as a zombie I trawled my mails and sat through long meetings. Until last night that is…
I was up for my usual salsa night, but my salsa dance was not up to par. If you can’t drive for 24 hours whilst taking these tablets imagine doing triple spins! The whole room was moving all around me, and my limbs felt numb. At a couple of times I completely lost my feeling in my right leg which collapsed under me. Apart from feeling angry for my lack of performance, I was humiliated beyond belief. Here is one of the founders of OnlineSalsa and she can’t even dance the freakin’ dance.
There and then I decided I had enough. When I came home I was going to flush all the pills down the toilet and never take that shit again. I vowed to myself to get a better grip of my work – life balance. No more late night skype chats or calls, no more work after 11 pm. Go to the gym in the evening rather than only in the morning. Get at least 7 hours of sleep. And most important of all, if I’m stressed and can’t sleep, allow myself a sleep-in instead of feeding the anxiety of sleeping too little.
All well and done. When I came home, I flushed the pills down the toilet. Without regrets I saw them sink to the bottom of the toilet bowl. Relief…no more get-out-of-jail card. From now on it was going to be all down to me…
(2 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5) Loading ...Pictures from OnlineSalsaTV
Here are the pictures of Sunday’s OnlineSalsaTV shooting. I’m afraid there’s little time to give an update on what’s going on today, apart from that I’m waiting in for a meeting in 50 min from now. Then need to finish off the action list for today. Then salsa lesson at 7 pm and after that editing of final articles coming in before launch. Oh did I say I was busy 
Kimberly is getting pimped by Stephen
The result….nothing short of stunning!
On set….Alina giving direction
OK Alina, we know you look good 
Lima, the dog is looking curiously
Team OnlineSalsa
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8 cups of Coffee
Another Monday. Dead tired. Yesterday we did 9 hours of filming, was fun, but a lot of work and 8 cups of coffee. I was in bed by midnight which was quite a feat. Slept for over 7 hours apart from one interruption by Sebastian. Strange dreams. Gym session went well, then shower, first cup of coffee, then second starting working, now I’m on my third. I promise my blog posts will be a bit more cheerful than this, but this week will be beyond hectic as we start bug testing and preparing for the OnlineSalsa.com launch on February 1. Now I must get back to work, I have a project scope awaiting then a marketing meeting in the afternoon. Pictures of yesterday will be uploaded later.
(2 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading ...
