Fracas Noir || Susanne Waldau - te Brake I swear to tell the truth as I know it…

Before my husband left, and we exchanged vows of eternal love, I promised I was going to post one picture a day of our son, so every day of his would not be lost by the vast ocean that now seperate us. I haven’t been so good keeping my promise, but here is the first.

Sebastian was falling asleep after lunch in his chair, in the only way children can. This is for you honey. We miss you!

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First of all I have to offer my apologies for my irregular blog entries. Several concerned friends has contacted me to check if I was alive, and as you can see I am. The last two weeks turned out to be anything but dull, and as a result of a compromised agenda stuffed with a lot of work and happenings, I couldn’t find the time, or the inspiration for that matter, to blog. Perhaps one needs periods like this. Only to discover how fun it is to write and share.

So what’s been going on…
It start Monday last week, which somewhat unplanned turned out to be the first of my numbered days at the company I have been working for in the past 5 years. Perhaps it was well overdue, and after working for what seems like ages in the gaming industry, I knew it was time to move on. Ironically it’s very much the same timescale as when I left HP. The 5 year itch pointing out it was time for some new challenges in life. I have no clue where to begin my search, but time will tell. For now I will continue to fulfill my contract until the end of May so time is still on my side.
Someone that is still firmly in the gaming industry is my husband Reinout. He is currently at GDC in San Fransisco. It’s the longest time we’ve ever been away from eachother, but as absence makes the heart grow fonder, I can’t wait to have him home.

In the meantime, I decided to improve and perfect the physical side of things. Last Tuesday (2 days ago!) I had a boob job. It still feels somewhat surreal as I didn’t ever consider myself to be remotely the target audience for such a procedure. But as my husband went on jokingly about how large chest women made his heart tick (and something else too I presume!) I couldn’t escape the picture of that woman which could be me. So when Reinout’s trip was secured, I secured a new pair of breasts. The weeks preceding the operation, my husband had second doubts and tried to persuade me not to go through with it. What started as a joke had suddenly become an impending reality. But once my mind is set on something, I rarely change, and thus I went through with the op on Tuesday morning. The procedure and the aftermath is something worthy a blog post on it’s own so I shall get back on that one later today.

But the question which probably remains with you is, hows the result? Answer…..

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Blogging hasn’t come to me in the last days. Partly because I’ve been too busy but in all fairness that is probably just an excuse. A more appropriate explanation is that I’ve gone through days of soul searching. Coming to conclusions, measuring the good against the bad, the balance settled on a scoring board. I’ve come so far in my own quest for growth that I have a fairly good idea where my strengths and weaknesses lay. And they both become apparent in this time.
My strength needs a boost and the weaknesses should be turned into their opponent. It’s that simple. I know I talk on a metaphoric level, which is how comfortable I am to disclose matters at this moment.

But when I woke up this morning, I realised that despite concerns lingering in my mind, I went to sleep without their long grasping hands touching me. I woke up, rested, went to the gym, and continued to think things through. The control, and equally the lack of it, lays in your mind. Now it’s time to get off the train for another day in the office. It’s Friday and almost the end of this dark month. Light is around the corner.

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We just came back from from our intake conversation for Sebastian’s new creche. 90 minutes of screaming kids does make you incredibly tired. We both walked out feeling woozy. I’m now in front of my computer with 400 data entries to be done by midnight….or later. Can’t say I’m super excited.

Headache and a pile of work….God get me out of here @#$%^!!!!

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If I was about to sum up this weekend, it would have to be - good in places. Friday evening didn’t turn out quite as expected. Let’s just say a pair of EUR 250;- Chloe shoes (they were on 75% discount in my defence) put a stop for what I had expected to be a quite and relaxed weekend. Saturday morning I left home in a huff, slamming the door behind me. We kissed and made up somewhere between the 9 and 15 hair extension. Reinout came over to my hairdresser and presented me with a peace offer in form of a beautiful Swarovski cross.Could I say NO?

A dinner on Saturday turned out to be sharing a soup with my son (something I enjoy as much). But the sight of oysters at Stempels alluded me. I grabbed a cab to Club Fiera’s Salsa Party de Lux, and danced away until 2 in the morning. My private salsa lessons has definetely paid off.

Sunday I’ve been working on our content all day. Until midnight when Reinout felt it was time for a serious business/life conversation. It left me thinking…until 5 in the morning when I finally fell asleep.

My fav from-work-home-reading on a Friday evening

Disputed, uber expensive Chloe shoes. Still I don’t regret them

Hair extensions before they are put in

Hair extensions from Balmain

Final result! I had my extension’s at Pierot in Haarlem

Ready to go salsa! Dress is from Karen Millen

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I’m somewhat blank sitting here on the train on my way to work. Tired isn’t the right word, more like absent minded. I wish I could crawl underneath a blanket and stay there until the onset of spring. I’m bogged down with work and it starts wearing me down. I’ve been thinking about how to tackle it. As I’m a woman of extremes I tend to think in polar solutions. On one had, do I give myself the space to work a little less, sleep a little longer, spend more time with the family or do I set myself sharp targets for the next 4 – 6 weeks and work myself through this period? It’s not hard to choose really. In 9 out of 10 cases I go for the latter. If I feel tired, I often need more structure, sharp priorities and clear objectives. And at the very end a holiday with my family! The carrot on the stick so to speak. So next few weeks I have promised myself to work more, watch less TV, just prioritise my time better. The bullshitting is over. It’s time to roll up the sleeves and get dirty.

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It’s Sebastian’s birthday! He’s one year old! Time flies. We celebrated this morning with a couple of presents; one water trumpet and a really cool retro rocket car. Needless to say he loves the latter. reinout came back with a whole load of cakes which we will devour on this afternoon. Later tonight we are going to celebrate going out for dinner!

Pictures from this morning

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Just came home from my salsa lesson. It went soooo well! I really feel I have improved my level, since I started taking private classes with Sederick and I’m really happy about that. I was in a great mood when I came home, and was greeted by my family decorating for Sebastian’t birthday tomorrow. It’s amazing, time flies. Just one year ago he was born and now he’s one year and almost half my height (he’s very tall!). Of course I chipped in with the decoration work (I know my family will be of a different opinion), and we ended up having the dining and living room covered with ballons! Tomorrow we are going to celebrate big time, and go out for dinner!

Helping out with the ballons

More ballons…

All hanging on the walls for effect

Victoria was busy with decorations

Our hallway

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My husband is in an excellent mood! Needless to say it makes me very happy too! I don’t know if it’s because of a clean house, a clean admin or a clean conscious. Perhaps it’s all three. My husband is, what you could call, a periodic administrator. Just like the periodic alcoholic abstaining from alcohol, he can go about for months without shifting through those letters and envelopes piling up in our kitchen table before they get removed to a a dark and dingy corner of our study. A study no one ever uses as it’s covered with papers, files and folders. Currently the study houses our dogs, which is another reason why no one wants to sit in that God forgotten grotto.

My husband is whistling and singing while he shifts through pile after pile. It’s like a heavy spirit is finally lifting as paper piles are reduced to remnants of dust.

I sit here in the dining room which has become my temporary office, going about my own business. It shall have to remain my office until I can afford to buy some paint and lacquer to redo the study. I’m thinking spring. Clean start, a company up and running and new study. How fab isn’t that?

Sebastian is in a splendid mood too!

A rare sight captured on camera

Wow, I can see the floor!

Admin mess

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Weekend didn’t really turn out as anticipated. It rarely does! Sebastian was not really well so we decided against going to MJ birthday’s party. Instead we spent the evening at home. I was so tired and fell asleep at 9 pm, only to wake up 12 hours later. Yesterday I didn’t do much else than working on OnlineSalsa and the upcoming launch.
…and yes, I had my highlights done at Pierot. The result is great, and on Saturday I will get my new extensions. All as a Valentines present from my husband. So sweet!

Now a busy day awaits. Reinout is not feeling well (woke up in a sweat) so I’m working from home, whilst watching the little one. Tonight I have bachata lesson, followed by further preparation for the site launch.

After checking out one of Victoria’s new schools she will be applying for

we went for a quick lunch on Saturday

I had chicken kebab

After highlights at Pierot I met up with my husband for a drink

Love the result!

Later we had sushi at home

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