Fracas Noir || Susanne Waldau - te Brake I swear to tell the truth as I know it…

I wake up in a cold sweat. It’s light and I’m disoriented. I look to my right. Reinout is sleeping on his side, face away from me. I  avoid the alarm clock. I fear I’ve woken up only half an hour away from my usual wake up time. Finally I manage to drift asleep again, thinking happy thoughts. It helps me to relax. I did so last night too. I was completely worked up from an improvised argument…like arguments generally are. My heart was pounding and my breath sounded laboured. Ok, no reason to give it a thought. Store it away, write about it, discuss it constructively.  With those thoughts I eventually went to sleep…

Morning. The sun is shining. My first consious breath tingles my throat. It’s raw, dry. I’m afraid I’m coming down with a cold. But I’ve set my mind on going for a run, and so I venture into the laundry room for some training gear. It’s humid upstairs. I was doing the laundy until 1 AM last night in order to prepare for Caroline who is coming today. My training outfit is still wet in places. I pull it on me anyway. No excuses.

Outside I’m met by an almost Mediterrainian image. People are already bustling about,  I see a couple of runners just like myself going for a 7 am run. Others are early birds going to work, perhaps to ensure a short work day. The beaches will be packed, I’m sure.

Two hours later I’m on the train, writing away. I already feel better, now I just need my coffee…

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

The alarm clock is staring back at me, as to remind me that it will go off in exactly 5 hours and 9 minutes. It makes me tired just thinking of it. I’m chasing sleep right now. Every little minute extra I can get out of it, without compromising my daytime. It’s been busy, and warm. At one point sending out a mailing I put everyone on CC rather than BCC. Luckily there was an error in one of the email addresses and I discovered my faux pas.

Later in the evening, as it was late night shopping, Victoria and I ventured into town. She got herself a beautful pair of italian shoes, her first real “grown-up” shoes with a tiny heel. She’s been strutting around in them ever since. As for me, 2 interior design magazine to devour over in the next couple of minutes before it’s time to hit the sack. I’m Beat!!

On our way to town

Victoria is a real lady

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

I’m not a morning person, not any longer. I wake up at 6.30 to make the most of my day, then hit the gym at 7 for a 45 min power work out. Still when I come home I’m tired, that’s when I go for my first coffee fix. It helps somewhat but the heaviness is still there and doesn’t leave me until noon. I believe it has something to do with my newfound philosophy - sleep as little, work as much!

As a result of lack of time, I’ve decided to cut down on my sleep. It’s a bit of an experiment really. I go to bed around 1 am, after doing more mundane work in the evening, administrtaion, working on social networks etc. I gathered that if I sleep on average between 5-6 hours per night I can gain a whole working day extra. Not bad, right? My new philosophy started whilst breatsfeeding Sebastian. I rarely got more than 5 hours of sleep a night and somehow my body adjusted very well to it. I used the weekends to recouperate some of the lost sleep, sleeping up to 10 hours then. So far so good…the tiredness is lifting already…I’m ready to go…

Cute present Reinout got from his bank to Sebastian -

hmm, the bank knows how to make friends… and get new clients

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Internal peace is finally descending upon me. It’s just me, my thoughts and my Mac. For once they are all happily united in a ménage à trois. Mostly they aren’t though, Me and my Mind don’t get a long, Mind and Mac don’t either, although having exchanged PC for Mac has somewhat improved the situation.  It’s a well know fact that I don’t have any sense for what’s technical. Mention the word developer and I’m at loss, add server to it and you have got yourself a situation. A down and out server is something I have been tampering with for days now. And as the non-techie I am I’m rapidly loosing grip of the situation. Luckily I called in Reinout for support. As the Jack-of-all-Trades he appears to be able to assess the situation in an instance.  A sense of relief fills me as his emails keep dropping in 11 at night. Typically they fill me with dread, knowing that he’s yet again challenged my inexperience, and ill-founded decisions. Sometimes… But this time I welcome his input and let him take charge.

On a different and much happier note, Victoria and I have been hunting frogs in our back-garden. What a wonderful past-time. Like there is nothing else in the world to do than hunting frogs. I forget all my server worries for a moment and let myself be consumed by the little creatures that have invaded our garden. Last night we did the same, and I came out the champion in frog catching. “I’m the champion, I’m the champion” I exclaimed, happy to at last have found something to be the best in.

Hunting for frogs

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

I’m on the train. It’s hot, stifling, and my top bares mark of thin lines of sweat. The day is digested in bit sized portions, events are mixed and matched in a seemingly random order. It’s one of those days, when I bare my emotions on the sleeve. There’s anger, hurt, frustrations…very little else really. Self contempt, yes absolutely. I catch a glimpse of myself in a reflecting train window. I automatically pull in my stomach and straighten myself a little, in an immediate response to the distorted image. I don’t like what I see, but at the same time I feel indifferent. Perhaps this is the onset of a downhill slope to middle age. Perhaps my peak has already been, and I will now wither away, shrivel until I become a dried immortelle, an ever lasting flower, devoid of both its fragrance and beauty.

I’m hit by an oppressive heat as I board the train. I look for a place, but everyone has a bag or a jacket placed next to them. I continue walking down the isle until I find a semi-free spot. The woman next to it, picks up the magazine that lays on the vacant space. I nod and smile. Inside of me, I feel relieved. Relieved to be left alone, in a corner without much notice. And so I perfectly blend in…

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Two days without a proper shower is starting to be noticed — I smell! My otherwise so sweet nickname, Stinky, has taken on a new meaning. It’s one thing to be called Stinky when in fact I smell like a fresh rose, but to be called Stinky when I am a stink-bomb is something else. I’ve tried showering with a black binliner around my legs that are still wrapped up after the vein removal, but it’s a rather complicated affair. So is sleeping, which is hot and sticky. My legs itch, especially where the little pieces of cotton are attached.

BUT all is not bad. I don’t have to go to the gym for one thing and this is a welcomed respite. A few months ago I was up every morning at 6 am, living on 5 hours of sleep. Those days are over now. I’m lucky if I’m up by 9 and even then I feel like a zombie. Next week I will start at Ex Machina again, so my schedule will have to become much more organised than it currently is. Despite a hectic life that is awaiting, I’m actually really looking forward to get back to work. It’s for 3 days a week, which gives me pleanty of time to work on my business and other priorities in life. More on that later…

Smelly, filthy and no make-up….who would have thought!

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

No, not the breast enlargement, but I’ve had my visible veins removed. In a bid to stay young and erase all evidence of my pregnancy I put myself under the needle and had something unnatural injected into my veins. The result is apparently fantastic, or so the doctor told me, but so far I’m wrapped up in some VERY tight stockings. Reinout was amazed when he walked in on me in the kitchen with my latest outfit.

“You are not coming close to me. In fact you are sleeping upstairs until you have that removed.” He obviously doesn’t understand my need and desire to compete with all the young and beautiful girls in his surroundings. It’s a loosing battle, or perhaps more of a Pyrrhus victory, because whatever will be won shall be achieved at great expense of my dignity.

I am already planning my next moves. Teeth bleach, fake boobs and laser treatment in my face. After this, botox and face lift… As if I didn’t have other worries in my life…

My legs in tight stockings

Yesterday in my new Donna Karan lamb waistcoat

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

At 11 am, just as I was getting up to speed with work and started to make real progress on my ever growing action list, OnlineSalsa went down. In fact OnlineSalsa was not so online anymore and surely didn’t live up to its name.

It’s been a nightmare, to get it back up and running, and I’ve used up my complete vocabulary of bad words which I’ve been venting out on my computer and people I for the moment held responsible for my professional misery. At 3 pm there was nothing more than to sit and wait until the site would magically appear online. I decided to do two things that works best to lift my mood: go for a run followed by some retail therapy. And therapy it was. The sun was shining and my run was a rather pleasant one. I felt considerable happier when I returned home - to a clean home as an added bonus, as Caroline had done wonders to our mess.

Hours later, after 2 dresses, a whole load of books for Victoria, wine and sashimi, OnlineSalsa.com is once again online. Tranquility has finally settled…

Shower, get dressed, GO!

Dress from Milly

Silk dress

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

I started my morning early… 6.30 am, and hit the gym an hour later. Some days are better than others and I gave all I had on the cross trainer. Gym in the morning is a perfect way to start the day. It whips you into shape, not only physically but mentally too. And it’s also easier to fit in a session in the morning than in the evening, when you are all tired and just want to hit the couch.

Last night I had my salsa lesson. We did a salsa contest with shines, where the men and women had to perform their shines for the other party. I must confess I’m not great at shines and find them hard to implement in the dance, but this time it went better than I expected. There was a moment when the music completely consumed me and the shines just became a natural part. But as with any dance, you have to feel inspired. The right dance partner definitely helps. There needs to be some sort of chemistry. What can be worse than dancing with a dead fish? For the occasion, I’ve put on my strappy high heels. Perfect for dancing in theory, but not so perfect in practice.  It went pretty well until I hit a double spin, which made me fall slightly out of balance. With salsa party on Saturday, I need a partner to practice with…

Vintage Karen Millen

Morning and ready for work

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

I’ve just finalised my action-list for tomorrow. Luckily a meeting got cancelled, creating a bit os space in my schedule. It’s a long list for tomorrow, but finally I start feeling we are getting into an operational routine. Anyhow, my eyes are so dry I can hardly see what I am writing. Time for bed…

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...